I am tired
of taking pills
of giving in
of all the pain
of hiding away
of everything I do to
     make
       me
         feel
           better.


Nothing ever works anyway.


I’ve heard a lot of people talk about ‘losing everything’ and their ‘lives falling apart’. Sometimes, they speak the truth.
But most of the time
   they
     don’t.
Or they speak the kind of over-exaggerated truth that may feel real, but upon reflection, it wasn’t as bad as they originally thought.

Because the
worst
they’ve ever felt
wasn’t really that bad
at
all.


I envy them.


I’m not saying I’m the most unfortunate person on the planet. I’m not saying I’ve lived the worst life that anyone has ever lived;
far from it, really.
But the life you are born into and the things you are given
don’t seem to make much of a difference when something isn’t right in your head.

Inside your brain
Where it’s all wrong
                       wrong
                           wrong.


How many times can a person lose their mind, then get it back, then lose it again, then get it back, then lose it back, then get it again, then back it lose, then again it get, then lose again back, then again lose all then, then it get lose mind, then again again again again again again again
                                                                                                   ?


People go crazy for a lot of reasons. I mean, fuck, there are crazy people everywhere.

EVERYWHERE.


Except for most of those people, there are reasons behind their actions. They are crazy for a reason.
A boy maybe
or a douchebag boss
a backstabbing friend
fuckwit families
drugs
attention
bullying
poverty
abuse
rape
loneliness
failure.
And yeah, I’ve experienced some or all of the above. But none of it, none of it caused my problems upstairs. None of it made me sick.
Because I was
    already sick.
Because I was
    always sick.


Sick
‘Sick’
“Sick”
*Sick*


The kind you are born with.
The kind you die with.
The kind you die from.

I’m just tired, that’s all I’m saying.





hexed hoe hexed hoe.